So I had completely forgot about this until right now. Today I got an email from www.tblog.com, and it informed me of some changes. So I decided to check it out. But of course, it's been so long since I've been here, I don't know what's different! Well, I know what's different about me. And all I know is I hope my mom doesn't know about this one. Hopefully, if she does, I've been away so long she thinks I've forgotten. That's what got me into this mess in the first place. Yeah, I'm in a mess. A royal mess. I'm having trouble with roommates. First I get kicked out of my house. Why, you ask? Well, all because my mom read my online blog (MSN Space) and when she asked me, okay, demanded me to talk to her, I didn't tell her everything she had read. Blah, blah, blah, I'm pretty much over it. But then I move in with my friend. We go through some roommate issues, and finally get everything sorted out, and it's just the two of us. Then HE comes along. And boy do I hate HIM. And I don't hate anybody. Well, except HIM. HE drives me nuts! And at one point, she didn't go to work (because we just got our eviction notice) so HE freaked out and left, and threw out his toothbrush, so she was sure HE was never coming back again, so I took her out to dinner to cheer her up. I thought we at least made some headway in the getting over the asshole territory when HE sent me a text message. She almost jumped up and ran home. So now he practically lives at our apartment, and I can't talk to her when he's around, and he continually tickles her and she giggles so loud I'm sure the neighbours can hear her. And it may be jealousy, or it may be irritation, but I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with it. Right now, I'm at my mom's, four out of seven nights a week, if not more, just to get away from him. I'd move back in with my mom, but I don't have a room to stay in, except the computer room, and I seem to make my mom worse the more often I'm here. Her and her drinking problem. She drank all weekend, and now I can just barely hear Keith, her boyfriend, criticizing her for it. I'm glad someone is finally standing up to her, but I know all she's going to do is lock herself in her room and drink more. I only wish she'd stop. I have grown used to her drinking, but I can't put up with it. It drives me nuts. I just can't see her like that. And apparently she was beyond all control on New Year's Eve, when my sister had a friend from Ottawa at the house. She's just getting worse and worse. But Keith told me yesterday, that she hasn't been that bad lately. Only when I started coming around more is what I think. And if I have no where else to go, what's going to happen when I come home? Or do I really want to know?
That it has. It's been a long while. I'm in Ottawa tonight. Instead of at Steve's drinking my face off. So I get to hang out with my buddeh Julian and his girlfriend, Migna? I don't know her name... So then I decide well since I'm in Ottawa why not hang out with my old pal Malissa. Well shit on that idea. She has changed soo much. It was so uncomfortable. And I know I wasn't the only one who didn't feel that comfortable around her. I think it's her mouth. And the size of it. I mean all she does is talk and half the stuff out of her mouth is CRAP! It's utterly stupid! I almost want to slap her everytime she opens her chops. I know this sounds awesomely cruel, but I mean every word. I used to hear people say "We've grown apart." Well doll, we're grown apart. And now I know the meaning of it.
why do i feel like such shit? i mean, it's not like i'd do him or anything. i just like hanging out with him. he makes me laugh. well why the fuck did i get jealous when he mentioned her? maybe in some way its me getting back at my hun. i told him i'd be fine with it. why the fuck am i spazzing out then? i mean it's not like he fucked one of the naked girls. i hope. god damn i hate girly emotions. why won't i tell him any of this? because, i'm just over-reacting being an idiot and if i were to mention it, i'd probably sound like a bitch. and i'm not going to tell him, or let him see how much i yelled at myself last night. it was stupid to yell at myself while writing it all showed up on the paper. all over him not being here last night. he's allowed to have a life. i mean, i get mad when i'm not allowed to be with my friends why am i allowed to get mad at him when he's with his friends. probably because it was the friend who dragged him to a strip club paid him money to get up on stage with them and is trying to take him away from me IDIOT KRISTIN!
nothign really to update on. happy birthday to the boys though. man. life is boring. well mostly. everything that happens, happens so fast i forget to write it here, and or it seems so insignifigant there's no reason to write it here, or i just get plain bored of typing. which is the case here. so im out of here.
i guess i should update. i mean i probably won't for a while. unless i go to someone's place and they don't care. why? because as in the case with the washer, dryer, fridge and stove, my mom failed to pay a bill and we are losing our phone line too. therefore if you read this and you called me through my 'land-line', start using my cell phone a bit more. man. i'm gunna have to get HUGE phone cards now. anyways. happy one-month to me and my hunny-bunches-of-oats! hahahahahah. sounds insignificant eh? trust me, i've only been to this mark twice before and they were both ingoring me by this time. he got a job though. i'm not going to take his money though. he needs it. STUPID JEN! my sister was going to give me something but she didn't. oh that makes me mad because i didn't remember until right now. and she left over an hour ago. FUCK. oh well. he asked me what i love about him. it totally threw me off. i was like, "WHAT?!?!" and i think i may have insulted him by doing that. i took the night to think about it though. so now i'm going to tell him today. what a present. NOT. maybe i'll make muffins. he likes those.... I HATE POVERTY! [i]poverty: the state of being poor; lack of the means of providing material needs or comforts.[/i]
my first co-op evaluation in a couple hours. and i gotta be there in half an hour. i shouldn't be on the internet but it called to me! I swear it did! and i just finished one reply and i still have two emails on this account and have yet to check my other account! GAH!
I want to break into song, but I'm afraid to. I don't think my empty house would like it. Now if people were here, then it would be fun. Torture. *grin* No, I don't think I'm THAT bad of a singer. I may be, and if I am, I apoligize to all those who have had to put up with me. Really I have nothing to update about and I don't want to bore you swooning over Kyle, as I do with every male who is around me. Well since I have nada to say, I might as well go. But the memories will always exist. "Memrees.. all alone in the...." Sorry 'bout that y'all...
Dreams? Not true! Leaves me to enjoy life again. Jump up and down. Do crazy things. Plus they ARE letting me drop my course! So now all I need is Mom's signature. And then no more Mr. Pott! Yippee! Although everything's so happy. I still feel really down. Just don't tell Kyle.
I felt totally confident this morning. Then he walked in. My stomach flipped. My heart stopped. My brain froze up. God I hate him. I like him so much. But we don't talk. I need to dump him. Kyle's so yummy. But I'm still attached. FUCK MY EMOTIONS!
"I am a hungry person. If I don't get what I want at one restaurant, I'm going to go to another. So do you want to be my restaurant, Or should I look for something better?"
I know it's bitchy but if you have to go through what i do and you meet someone a bit cuter (i feel so mean for saying that) and a bit more "attentive" (feeling even worse) you obviously have to do something you have to give them a chance to redeem themself but if they don't take that chance, they are the one thats up the creek. Especially if you have someone who wants you just about as much as you want them. Or if they make you think that. Mmm drunken conversations. Mmm cute guys. And yay for finally taking control of this bullshit relationship!
this is SHIT! I had a great day... Why did it have to fuck up so bad?! No plans. They got cancelled. Steve's grounded, no party there tonight. So he's going to MY boyfriend's brother's place. To get drunk and stoned. WITHOUT ME! My boyfriend doesn't even want to talk to me! SHIT! FUCK! DAMNIT! I am about to endure the longest and most painful (in my entire life) experience. My best friend ditches me for some chick that I now DESPISE! My boyfriend, for some unknown reason, ditches me, following the same chick. (You have no idea how much I want to kick her ass! Or even yell at her for an hour or two...) I have not yet bitched at anyone. Woo Hoo to me and keeping friends. But I am so fucking frustrated when my mom suggests ditching HIM I start to cry. I am such a fucking wimp. Over-emotional bitch. That chick no one really WANTS to talk to but they do anyways, just to make her feel better. Feel better? FEEL BETTER?! Fell better my ass! The only thing that would make me feel better right now would be to walk over to Jeremy's place and right in front of HIS face tell Jeremy that I would be MORE then happy to except his gracious offer (from two weeks ago) and then fuck him right there. With HIM watching. Man, that would feel good. But I'm not going to do that. Instead, I have to decide which would make me feel better: Downing half a bottle of tylenol. Or drinking the rest of my rum. (Yes, by myself. I am that much of a loser.) Decisions, decisions. Or wait, I know. BOTH!
I'm sorry it's been soo long. I got back to Toronto and Dad wasn't working as much, so less computer time for Kristin! And then I got a job for the last two weeks, and I didn't have a log-on to get onto Dad's laptop so, I just didn't update. Can't wait until next weekend. Going to Toronto!
*** A quiz I was sent and in turn sent out. If you didn't get it, I'm sorry.
SIMPLE QUESTIONS: 1. Full name: Kristin Emily Vera Evans 2. Nicknames: Ummm... *shrugs* For a while I think I was called Krissy Pissy... ? 3. do you have a penis: *checks* no sirree jim-bob 4. Height: Somewhere between the floor and ceiling. Seriously, I have no idea... 5.Hair: I think it's red, but changes too frequently to know for sure... which reminds me, i should be dying it soon... 6. Siblings? One smelly sister 7. Do you like to sing in the shower? I don't think I ever have 8. Do you like to sing on the toilet? I have never tried. *runs to bathroom* 9. Do u like to sing? If I'm alone and no one can hear 10. Birthday: April 2nd 11. Sign: Aries 12. Address: My address?? 13.Sex? Like what? Female? Or.. *giggles* 14.What do you want in a relationship most? Umm, I dunno. Another person?? 15. Have you ever cheated? Umm, I don't think so. I think I'm the most uncheating person I know. 16. Marital status: Not married? 17. Do you have a car? Oh god, do I wish I did. 18. What kinda car do you have? The non-existant kind. FAVOURITE QUESTIONS: 19. Movie? CAMP 20. Song: Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) - Green Day 21. Actor: That one in that movie, ya know? 22. Food: Poutine - it always makes me feel so good... 23. Number: 13 - or at least I think. This is way too hard... 24. Cartoon: George Shrinks 25. Disney Character: Dopey - he has a cool name. 26.Do you plan on having kids? Eventually. 27. How old do you wanna be when you are married? Somewhere between now and then... But before I die. 28. Would you have kids before marriage: Depends on who I'm with. 29. Do u have a b/f or g/f: As far as I know. 30. Do you have a crush: Can you have both? 31. MUSIC/TV: Music 32. Guys/Girls: Depends for what... Probably guys, so much easier to talk to... 33.Green/Blue: Blue 34. Pink/Purple: Pink 35. Summer/Winter: Summer 36. Night/Day: Night 37. Hangin Out/Chillin: Yes... ?? 38. Dopey/Funny: Funny 39. You know I'm around when you hear: My voice? 40. What school do u go to? Brockville Collegiate Institute 41. What turns you on? A switch? No, just joshin. Shags all the way. Maybe some personality... 42. How far would you go on a first date?: Depends on who it's with... FRIENDS 43. MosT blonde: As in dumb? *twirls a strand of hair* 44. Nicest: Everyone is mean in their own ways... 45. FuNnIeSt: Leefer. All the way. 46. TaLLeSt: I think Steve calls this one... 47. BeSt pErSoNaLiTy: Ummm... seriously this is really hard... 48. Which people do you trust and are open with the most? Sam, Leefer and Steve. 49. Is it right to flirt if you have a bf/gf?: If it feels wrong, yes. If you have no heart and are an absolute bitch, no. *just joshin* 50. What was the last thing you cried over or got teary about? Mom yelling at me for being 15 hours past my curfew... 51. What's an object you can't live without?: My cell phone. I mean I won't even send it away to get it fixed, I'm so reliant on it. 52. Love or Lust: Love is way too confusing, but glorious beyond belief 53. Silver or gold: Gold can be tacky. 54. Diamond or pearl: Diamonds are a girl's best friend. 55. Sunset or sunrise: Sunrise 56. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?: I don't think so... 57. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: They sleep at the end of the bed, especially that cute one that was made for me. 58. Do you have any piercings: 8 ear piercings randomly distributed through out the ear, used to have my nose pierced (*sniffle* I miss it so!) and next weekend I will be getting my eyebrow pierced, I hope! 59. What colour underpants are you wearing right now: *checks* White. 60. What song are u listening to right now? Where's th eLove - Black Eyed Peas 61: Whats the last 2 digits of your home phone: 83 62. Where would you want to go on your honeymoon? Anywhere, as long as I get time alone with my better half. 63. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? The person I fall in love with, who asks me to grow old with them. 64. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex: I think I would have to say their ass, and their smile. 65. Favourite sports?: Rugby. 66. What makes you happy? My friends, poutine, and drugs (momentarily). 67. What's the next cd/s you're gonna get? The one Steve is supposed to be burning me... 68. Do u wear contacts or glasses? Glasses, and I have contacts but I don't wear them that much... 69. What's the best advice given to you? "Whether on land or at sea, our morning starts the same." No, just joshin. I think it would have to be, "In the with positive, out with the negative." 70. Have you ever won any special awards? Drama crap. But other than that, nope. 71. What are your goals? To be an actress, or write stories that everyone wants to read. 72. do you like Funny or Scary movies better? Both? I like funny if I'm with friends, but scary by myself... 73. Hugs or kisses? Depends on who it's from... 74. What song(s) seems to reflect you the most? Since I don't know who originally sung it: Josie and the Pussycats - Money 75. Are you a Virgin? Depends who's asking... 76. Do u have any enemies? I might. Not entirely sure. 77. Would you rather be rich or famous? I think I would rather be happy. 78. Have you ever been in love?: I believe I may have been at one point in time... 79. Have you met santa? I don't think so... 80. Fave Band? The only bands that come to mind: Queen and The Beatles. 81. When did you last talk to the person that you like? Last night. 82. Do u have any pets? I think I can call Dad's cats mine... 2 kittens, Emma-Lee and Weatherby 83.When'z tha last time yu were depressed? Friday night. 84.Are you an alcoholic? I don't drink a lot. 85. whats your favourite book? Dancing Naked by Shelley Hrdlitschka 86. Who sent this to you? Malissa 87. What do you think of this person: We go way back and she knows WAY too much about me! 88. Do You Want This Sent Back To You? I don't really care.
My stomach is rumbling. For two reasons. Grr to hunger.
I have had this headache for at least five days now.
And I find myself trying so hard to be like someone else. Well, two someone else's. Julie, and Keri. Subconsiously, I am trying to be like the women Dad likes. I think it's because I want to be closer to him. Have him pay attention to me. Ask me questions. Include me in his life. I could be wrong. I hope it's not for some gross reason.
I miss Brockville. And the people in it. And I guess even the chaos I left behind. I can't wait to go home.
Dear Mrs. Parnega, I believe that I probably should have written this letter a long time ago – maybe it’s wrong to write it now, but I believe that you may in some way receive it, although you can’t really walk out to your mailbox and pick it up. I just wanted to thank you. At D Aubrey Moodie Intermediate School, there were three arts programs: Music, which was the only course you could actually choose to be in, and Visual Arts/ Drama. I thank whoever is taking care of you now, that I went into Grade 6 with no knowledge of a musical instrument, therefore shoving me into the Visual Arts/ Drama course that all Grade 6’s had to take. I remember moving into that school during March Break, and starting at D A the first Monday back. I was readily accepted, with no questions asked, which was great for a child from the situation that I had just come out of. I was thrown into the second half of all the courses - Computers instead of Technical Design, Geography instead of History, and Drama instead of Visual Arts. Every child dreams of being famous when they are young whether that dream consists of becoming a rock star, actor, or fashion model. Rarely any actually follow through with it. Acting was just a child’s dream for me. Then I entered your Drama class. Before, Drama had been that class when you play games and pretend. In your classroom I learned a whole new perspective on acting. In grade six, a student went into both classes, Visual Arts and Drama, then the teachers would combine their heads to decide which class to place the grade seven into. You pulled me into your class, and I don’t think I ever thanked you for doing that. Now I thank you, although you can probably barely hear me over all the other past students thanking you for changing THEIR lives for the better. You helped me in ways I never would have imagined. I met one of my best friends in your class, which seems a meager point but important because that friend helped me through a lot of troubles in my life. Your games filled me with a confidence that lasted those three years that I could turn to you if I needed a bit more. You saw something in me that I didn’t. You were the one who got me hooked on Drama. Your take on approaching the character and how to play the character correctly has proved to be vital in the years since your class. Your tips on how to create a setting without any solid stage really there is invaluable. I still remember when I did a short mime scene and I was so into it, that while you told me how to improve, I was actually crying because my character had been sad. You did that for me. Let me let you in on a little secret of mine. Yes, my following Drama teachers gave me tips on how to improve, but mostly, I remember what you said. I still follow most of what you taught me in those years. And in doing this, I have realized how much you helped me. This year I received a Certificate of Merit for Acting in the Sears Drama Festival. Mr. Johnson, the supervising teacher, may have taught me who to recite lines, but the personality and everything came from when I remember of you. You took me out of classes and placed me in what you called the Improv Group. We would get together after school, or before school a couple of times (I hated you then!), and we wrote our own plays. You would give us what you wanted it to be like, and then we made up everything in the middle. Time of Our Lives in grade seven, and In The Land Of Honah-Lee in grade eight; those were two of my favorite plays that I have ever put on. You gave me the self-confidence required to get up on stage and spurt out lines, and the knowledge to bring those lines to life. Since then, I had moved people to tears, and I have made them laugh. I’m sure you know the exhilaration of getting up on a stage, baring your character’s soul for everyone to see, and the pride when the audience applauds you. I know that when the lights go off, and I hear the audience make noise, from the first clap to the final straggler who cannot seem to stop, there is nothing better. It is a natural high. You float, you glide, and you fly up and cannot seem to get down. And the more noise they make, the higher you seem to go. I just want to thank you for introducing me to this, and for making me enjoy it. And just as I had to do on that last day of grade eight, I guess I have to say goodbye. Goodbye to the best teacher I ever had, the one who taught me the most important lessons I will ever use in my life. Goodbye. On July 19, 2004 this large stage we all live on lost a very important character. I hope that there is a back-up actor to fill-in. But they will never have the same way of saying their lines, or moving about the stage as you did. Here’s to you Mrs. Parnega. May you rest in peace, and live forever in those hearts that you touched so dearly. We will miss you. “I hope you had the time of your life.”
[i]Cherished wife, mother, grandmother-in-waiting, sister and friend, slipped away peacefully in her sleep in the early morning of July 19, 2004, six days after her sixtieth birthday. From the first signs of her illness in October 2003, Joyce was continuously surrounded by her husband Brian, her children Jan and Mark, her son-in-law Sam, and her close, dear circle of friends. A recently retired drama teacher, Joyce brought joy and passion to all that she did and touched the lives of many. She had an unmistakable gift for celebrating the everyday and for making everyone feel truly special. And while this gift will be missed, it will live on among those who knew and loved her. A memorial service will be held at 7:00 p.m. on Friday, July 30, 2004 at the Unitarian Church, 30 Cleary Avenue, Ottawa. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Canadian Cancer Society or to the Palliative Care Outreach Program.[/i]
[b]“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go. So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why. It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time. It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right. I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind. Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what its worth, it was worth all the while. It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right. I hope you had the time of your life.
It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right. I hope you had the time of your life.
It’s something unpredictable but in the end it’s right. I hope you had the time of your life.” Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) – Green Day[/b]
I haven't told Dad about Dwayne. Well not full out tell him, I have hinted. And I mean, I talk about him whenever we are alone. Well, sort of. I bring up a trait or something (like mohawks) and I ask him what he thinks about it. And apparently I told him about Dwayne before, so thanks to Dad I now know that I have liked him for while. But Dad still doesn't know. He keeps saying that there are lots of 'hotties' around, why don't I try to hook on? And everyone around seems to have advice for me. 'He's cute.' or 'There is this guy I know...' Jeezus. I definately want some guy, just because I'm feeling lonely, but I don't want to hurt anyone. I wish it was a bit easier... But it's not. The story gets a bit more complicated as well, but I'm not going into it that far... The kittens knocked something over. Shit. I hope it wasn't breakable...
-edit- Jill's son, whatever his name is, Kid-with-Long-Hair is pissing me off. He thinks he rules the dock. Rollerblades along it, no matter who's there, thinks it rude when the restaraunt wants him out when he's wearing his rollerblades. He's hot shit, he is, he is... *grumble*
-edit-again- Went up to the bar for dinner. Andrew was there. I must say, he's definately cuter than his brother... I was almost thinking thoughts that I probably shouldn't be when Jason and his brother + brother's friend show up. The both of them sort of reminded me of Dwayne in a weird way. Then I felt bad for oogling Andrew. Then as I was leaving Jerry (very old and married) said, "Goodnight girls!" Lorne (also old and very unappealing) followed closely with a "Goodnight." as well. Then Andrew, who was working at the storage tanks behind the bar on the way to the boat, mimicked as we walked by. "Goodnight girls." I replied with a witty, almost flirty, "Goodniiight." I swooned. I hate myself.
-edit-again-again- He's plastered again. David. Thankfully he's on someone else's boat and all I have to do is use the calm and patient voice and then walk on by. sigh. What a great night this is turning out to be.
Here on the Island, there's a way of life readily accepted, unlike anywhere else. Here on the Island, people get drunk, people get pissed, people stay silent. Here on the Island, it is not WHO you are that matters, it's who you KNOW. Here on the Island, everyone knows everyone else, and their business. Here on the Island, people who have flaws are accepted with open arms. Perfection on the other hand... Here on the Island, there is no time, everything goes by when YOU want to do it. Here on the Island, everyone is suffering, but smiling because they are expected to.
And here on the Island, I am stuck.
It's raining again. Hope the boat doesn't leak too much... It was so sunny this morning. confused. I miss hanging out with people MY OWN AGE. The only other alternative I have is showing three Mexican guys, who barely know English around a city I barely know. I'm tired of David. Yes, that's the real reason why I'm here today. Because I don't want to be silent, but because I'm on the Island, I have to be. EXAMPLE: Sunday night. David invites over Emma and Jason (and Jason's girlfriend). They work at the Marina and are about four years older than I am. They start drinking and smoking up. David decides that he wants a fire. He sends Emma onto MY boat to get firewood, making as much noise as she can, when just a few feet away my sister is trying to sleep. GR #1. Then Emma has to see the kittens so I have to search for five minutes to find them and then she's not interested and walks away. GR #2. I go back outside, because really I'm taking care of my dad, who has been drinking for a couple hours now. Lake and alcohol not a good mix. I don't mind taking care of him though. It's when David calls out that really bugs me. Tall, tall man. Big build. He was born in Africa, his parents European missionaries. And when he gets a mosquito bite, he tears holes into his skin. And he gets mosquito bites like hell. He's a generally scary man. Then he decides to start yelling. Sister's still trying to sleep. GR #3. "Kristin! Kristin! Where is your LLLLLLLOOOOSSER father?" GR #4. "He's being nice and walking Luba to the ferry, David." Calm, patient voice is best used at these moments. "Well we need more wood. Go get some." I am not his personal slave. GR #5. "How about we wait until Dad gets back. I don't know what wood to use." He sighs. "Emma, you go onto Blaine's boat and get wood. You know what to use." What!? GR #6. Then he starts telling everyone to go onto THEIR boats and get HIM alcohol because he doesn't have any left. GR #7. There's your first clue that you drink too much. You go to the LCBO and the guy behind the cash knows your name because you go every three days. And you have decided never to run a bar tab again because your last one was over six HUNDRED dollars!! Over two weeks! GR #8. So I get him alcohol from Dad, and I have the last piece of burnable wood on the boat in my hand. I walk over to David hand him the drink, and the piece of wood and say: "This is the last piece on the boat. Any more and we'll have to burn the boat." "Then let's burn the thing!" He knows how hard my dad is working to build this boat. He's built it from the ground up. GR #9. After this I go to bed, with Dad upstairs and Jen in the bed just three feet away from me, falling asleep to music that you could probably hear back home in Brockville if you listened hard enough. GR # 10. Here on the Island. GR GR GR GR GR GR GR GR GR GR GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! No where but the Island. Okay, so he's really not that bad of a person. He's actually a nice guy who's practically addicted to calling everyone he know Losers. But that's the Island for you. Losers, and Sunday night rituals, like watching Trailer Park Boys then turning around and drinking. How almost ironic.
Kittens are making noise. Lots of it. I wonder what they got into now...
